Delete
by Zoser
Summary: SJ face nonexistence. An homage to fanfic readers and writers.


Title: Delete

Author: Zoser

Summary: Jack and Sam face non-existence

Category: Humor, Hurt/Comfort

Season: Season 9 Pairing: Jack/Sam

Rating: K+

Warnings: You know Jack's mouth

Author's Notes: Dedicated to all fan fiction writers and readers.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story was created for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s). If they had only made the damned action figures I could have played with them.

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It was starting to get crowded. A platoon of Jaffa, clanking and stomping, marched into the dungeon. The cell door swung open and in another pair was thrown in. "Well that's it. I can barely breathe in here, let alone move, someone's gotta go."

"You can't."

"Wanna bet, this is just what Thor gave me this gizmo for."

"You keep ending your sentences with prepositions and some other Jack is going to use it on you, sir."

"Okay Carter, I get the point but you do remember what Teal'c said 'Ours is the only reality that matters.' And stuck here, in this Alternate Universe holding cell, is making me nuts."

Carter bit her tongue to keep from commenting.

"And another thing, when they serve that revolting gloppy oatmeal, there will never be enough for all of us. You have to admit some of those Carter and O'Neills must be getting on your nerves, present company excluded.  
Now just take that one over there, crying buckets over his Carter. It's just demeaning."

"But sir, she's dying and he's never told her how he feels."

"If she hasn't figured it out after eight years she can't be very bright."

"She is in excruciating pain and he can do nothing to help her."

"So I guess then I'm doing them both a favor." And he pressed the Asgard designed delete button.

"Next I like to take out all the gibbering idiots and the secret PhD's, I'm neither, you know."

She had her doubts at times and was surprised to find them both still there after that deletion.

"Sir, when you delete one half of the complement the other half is deleted as well?"

"So it seems. It's kind of a shame, we have lost so pretty hot half-naked Carters."

Eyes narrowed, she glared at him.

"I'm just saying … ahh … what do you think? Who should be next?"

"Well, sir, what about all the loud mouth asshole types that cause the Jaffa to jab us with those damned pain sticks."

He, in turn, glared at her.

"Okay here goes" and held his breath, wondering if he was pushing his luck.

"You know who else I like to get rid of and I think it will give us plenty of elbow room when they are gone – all the Jonathan O'Neills. Look at my dog tags Carter, look at my ID card what does it say?"

"John J. O'Neill."

"Damn straight, it does."

The room was beginning to empty. O'Neill glanced around the cell and quickly pressed the delete button again.

"What was that for?"

"That poor guy was about to stroke out from a steady diet of pizza and beer and his Carter never ate or slept. I was just putting them out of their misery."

"What about all the whiners, sir, I could do without all the blubbering Carters."

"Yeah, I've never seen you that way."

"How many more times do you think we can press that button before we disappear too."

She looked into his eyes and he, in turn, looked back, then stared at his boots for a while, cleared his throat and looked back.

"I think TPTB are already taking care of that."

He sat in silence for a while. When he realized that her eyes were misting he embraced her.

"Sam, we've been in situations like this before and before you know it, Thor will beam us to safety or Jacob will ring us to a cargo ship or Daniel and Teal'c will break open that door … any minute now."

"No sir. We haven't heard a word from Thor in months, Daniel is off somewhere playing with Vala and Teal'c is involved with Jaffa politics on Dakara. And my dad…"

"Oh Carter, I'm sorry."

"Do you think we will cease to exist?"

"Do you remember, oh it was 7 or 8 years ago, when that energy crystal thing took my shape? He showed me that my son still existed because he was still in my heart. Well I know that you will always live in my heart. And look up Sam, look at them, look at all of them. It doesn't matter what TPTB do, you and I will exist for them. We will always have a place in their hearts."


End file.
